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Man Meat Friday: Will Chalker

September 5th, 2008 · No Comments

Thank god this fucking day is over.  Just when I think we’re going to transition smoothly into the weekend, I see Perez has up that Britney may or may not be practicing a dance routine for Sunday night’s VMAs.  I seriously doubt they would pass on the opportunity to make more money off of her performance (if she was performing) by doing something sneaky.  But you never know!  Check it out if you can get the fucking thing to load; his site is being bombarded.

Britney’s comeback performance is an aside on this very important post.  People, I would like to introduce you to some English man model meat.  His name is Will Chalker and he’s absolutely everywhere but I’ve never known his name until today.  He’s done campaigns for everyone from Vuitton to The Gap.  I like him ’cause he’s got a hot bod and big ears.  Yes! I love big ears! —Handles!  And big feet, schnozes, dicks and hands. Hot-tah-tahhhhhh

→ No CommentsTags: Models: Not To Be Confused With Role Models · man meat · my crotch itches · paparazzi whores · penises

ANTM, Necksnappin’, Belladonna & Bad Makeup

September 5th, 2008 · No Comments

So this is my life.  I just watched the first episode of America’s Next Top Model on YouTube and it was painful.  (the Belladonna forum I surfed during, didn’t help ease the pain) I actually thought to myself that I should set a video camera facing me as I watched- to capture all my labored facial expressions for your viewing pleasure.

I felt mostly: disgust, shock, annoyance, nausea and I did make the backhand move a couple times.  I love Isis and Marjorie; I wanna hug them both for different reasons.  Sheena’s on the show ’cause she has attitude and she’s a big personality.  Love the titties and neck work but she’s no great beauty.  Then again, Adrienne Curry won one of those didn’t she?

I kept thinking during evaluation while Tyra told them to “*ahem* take off those earrings and that necklace,” that if it were me, my neck woulda been more crooked than Clark’s upbringing.  I know they’re young and immature but damn lady!  Condescending much? Are these your children or someone you’re giving a million dollars to, Miss Empower Everyone?

*ahem* Tyra?…lose the foundation that is a different color than the rest of your body. (throw in some neck snaps, eye-rolls, “fierces” and “ahems”)  I’m never getting that 45 minutes back, am I?  No, I know, I’m not…Am I going to watch again? Yeeeehsssss.

→ No CommentsTags: Models: Not To Be Confused With Role Models · Reality TV Whores · tyra banks

What Came First: The Chickenheads Or The Gig?

September 4th, 2008 · No Comments

Marey Carey and Bai Ling at the EA Sports Freestyle Launch for Facebreaker.

Facebreaker indeed!

→ No CommentsTags: Reality TV Whores · bai ling · mary carey · paparazzi whores · porn stars

Kate Moss Needs A Match

September 4th, 2008 · 1 Comment

I don’t need another drug addiction but this looks downright fun...Afrojacks

I’m all for curves but what does she have wrapped around her ass and legs?  Ace bandages? I’ll take cellulite over weird body shape and movement-keep your Spanks in the drawer for sexy times…SOMGWTF

Mena Suvari Naked.  It’s good till you see the cornrows and acting…Etk!(Prob not SFW)

Someone got to see David Beckham weeing...(Audio)2day

I’m not the only one that thinks Diddy is a fucking idiot…HT

Hilarious Mariah Carey compilation video of her being, well, her…RFF

Oh snap!  Perez made a funny!…PH

Kendra’s blogging. Lord help us…FC

Zoophilia and OJ.  I’m not even kidding you and it’s safe for work!…TCUK

Speaking of curves-holy hot mama!...Bizzare(NSFW)

How Bella kept her composure through this shoot, I’ll never know…(NSFW)BTM

Naked gymnasts. Pretty awesome…Here and Here (NSFW)BBB

VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. AND VELLY HILARIOUSLY GROSSLY...1Girl1Cake

This guy has obviously never seen my toybox…Asylum

Um…Thanks Molly?  This chick has ‘D’Ass tattooed on Dat Ass...(NSFW)BBN

Blind item has everyone in a tizzy.  I have to admit I’ve thought about it more than I should; how couldn’t I!?...Gkr

Super pathetic story about spoiled rich women with low self esteems, selling their bodies...Rdr

Camel toe alert!…SC

→ 1 CommentTags: Actwhores · Athletes · Music Whores · belladonna · christian bale · coco · david beckham · fetish · fetish model · gratuitous t&a · kate moss · kim kardashian · mariah carey · mena suvari · nicole coco austin · p diddy · paparazzi whores · penises · plastic · porn · porn stars · random shit · sex toys · sexy gay men · shiny · the line has been crossed · will smith

The Duchess: There Were Three Croutons In Her Salad

September 3rd, 2008 · 5 Comments

…But she picked them out and had cock instead…

Let’s go over what the trailer says:

1. She’s rich.

2.  She wants attention; everyone must worship her.

3. She likes fashion and expects her servants to.

4.  She has sunken cheeks and may be constipated.

5. Oh yeah, her other purpose is making a baby for a man.

6. She’s mildly amused by being worshipped—by a dude with a unibrow and froggy eyes.

7. Some jealous old bitch is trying to keep her in her panties.

8. She’ll never be truly loved by the man with power and rank.

9.  A woman’s natural desire is to be fucked violently by a fireplace.

10. Don’t forget she’s rich.

→ 5 CommentsTags: keira knightley · movies

You Are Beautiful, No Matter What They Say…

September 3rd, 2008 · 2 Comments

Buy Inspire. A perfume made by someone you don’t know, with Christina Aguilera’s name on it.  If you want to emulate “Christina’s love for constantly expressing her femininity in surprising ways” see below.

HAIR DYE: Color Gel: Oleic Acid; Aqua/Water; Cocamide MIPA; Octyldodecanol; Benzyl Alcohol; Alcohol Denat.; Ethanolamine; Ammonium Hydroxide; Oleth-30; Hexadimethrine Chloride; MEA-Laureth Sulfate; Parfum/Fragrance; Ammonium Thiolactate; EDTA; Phenyl Methyl Pyrazolone; Erythorbic Acid; Resorcinol; Alpha-Isomethyl Ionone; p-Phenylenediamine; Eugenol; Linalool; Citronellol; p-Aminophenol; Hydroxypropyl Bis(N-Hydroxyethyl-p-Phenylenediamine) HCl; 2,4-Diaminophenoxyethanol HCl. Color Optimizing Creme: Aqua/Water; Hydrogen Peroxide; Cetearyl Alcohol; Trideceth-2 Carboxamide MEA; Ceteareth-30; Glycerin; Pentasodium Pentetate; Sodium Stannate; Tetrasodium Pyrophosphate. Care Supreme Conditioner: Aqua/Water; Cetearyl Alcohol; Glycerin; Behentrimonium Chloride; Candelilla Cera/Candelilla Wax; Amodimethicone; Cetyl Esters; Isopropyl Alcohol; Parfum/Fragrance; Methylparaben; Trideceth-12; Hexyl Cinnamal; Linalool; Benzyl Alcohol; Chlorhexidine Dihydrochloride; Cetrimonium Chloride; Butylphenyl Methylpropional; Limonene; Amyl Cinnamal; PPG-5-Ceteth-20; Geraniol; Benzyl Benzoate; Oleth-10; Citronellol; Disodium Cocoamphodipropionate; Alphaisomethyl Ionone; Lecithin; Cinnamyl Alcohol; Phosphoric Acid; Tocopherol; Ethylhexyl Salicylate; Phenoxyethanol; Methyl-2-Octynoate; Ethylparaben

HAIR SPRAY:ACTIVE INGREDIENTS: ALCOHOL DENAT., HYDROFLUOROCARBON 152A, ISOBUTANE, ETHYL ESTER OF PVM/MA COPOLYMER, GLYCERIN, ETHYLHEXYL METHOXYCINNAMATE, BENZOPHENONE 3, CYCLOMETHICONE, LACTAMINE MEA, LINOLEAMIDOPROPYL ETHYLDIMONIUM ETHOSULFATE, DIMETHYL LAURAMINE ISOSTEARATE, AMINOMETHYL PROPANEDIOL, PANTHENOL, PEG 75 LANOLIN, OCTYLACRYAMIDE/ACRYLATES/BUTYLAMINOETHYL METHACRYL COPOLYMER, DIMETHYL STEARAMINE, FRAGRANCE

FOUNDATION:WATER (AQUA PURIFICATA) PURIFIED; CYCLOPENTASILOXANE; BUTYLENE GLYCOL; ETHYLHEXYL METHOXYCINNAMATE; SILICA; DIMETHICONE; PHENYL TRIMETHICONE; BIS-PEG/PPG-14/14 DIMETHICONE; MAGNESIUM SULFATE; TRIMETHYLSILOXYSILICATE; TOCOPHERYL ACETATE; RETINYL PALMITATE; ASCORBYL PALMITATE; DISTEARDIMONIUM HECTORITE; TRIETHOXYCAPRYLYLSILANE; POLYGLYCERYL-4 ISOSTEARATE; HEXYL LAURATE; CETYL PEG/PPG-10/1; DIMETHICONE; LAURETH-7; TRIETHYL CITRATE; PHENOXYETHANOL; METHYLPARABEN; MICA; TITANIUM DIOXIDE (CI 77891); IRON OXIDES (CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499); BISMUTH OXYCHLORIDE (CI 77163); CHROMIUM OXIDE GREENS (CI 77288)

EYELINER PENCIL:WATER (AQUA PURIFICATA) PURIFIED; POLYETHYLENE TEREPHTHALATE; SILICA; BUTYLENE GLYCOL; GLYCERIN; TRIETHANOLAMINE; CARBOMER; XANTHAN GUM; PVP; PHENOXYETHANOL; METHYLPARABEN

EYESHADOW:TALC; DIMETHICONE; POLYSORBATE 20; ISOPROPYL PALMITATE; MAGNESIUM ALUMINUM SILICATE; SIMMONDSIA CHINENSIS (JOJOBA) SEED OIL; YEAST EXTRACT (FAEX); TOCOPHERYL ACETATE; RETINYL PALMITATE; LAUROYL LYSINE; ETHYLHEXYL METHOXYCINNAMATE; BHT; SODIUM DEHYDROACETATE; PHENOXYETHANOL; METHYLPARABEN; ETHYLPARABEN; PROPYLPARABEN; BUTYLPARABEN; MICA; TITANIUM DIOXIDE (CI 77891); IRON OXIDES (CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499); BISMUTH OXYCHLORIDE (CI 77163); CARMINE (CI 75470); CHROMIUM HYDROXIDE GREEN (CI 77289); CHROMIUM OXIDE GREENS (CI 77288); FERRIC FERROCYANIDE (CI 77510); MANGANESE VIOLET (CI 77742); ULTRAMARINES (CI 77007); BLUE 1 LAKE (CI 42090); RED 40 LAKE (CI 16035); YELLOW 5 LAKE (CI 19140)

BRONZER:ISOSTEARYL PALMITATE; SILICA; LAUROYL LYSINE; MAGNESIUM MYRISTATE; METHYLPARABEN; PROPYLPARABEN; MICA; TITANIUM DIOXIDE (CI 77891); IRON OXIDES (CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499); BISMUTH OXYCHLORIDE (CI 77163); CARMINE (CI 75470); CHROMIUM HYDROXIDE GREEN (CI 77289); CHROMIUM OXIDE GREENS (CI 77288); FERRIC FERROCYANIDE (CI 77510); MANGANESE VIOLET (CI 77742); ULTRAMARINES (CI 77007); BLUE 1 LAKE (CI 42090); YELLOW 5 LAKE (CI 19140)

BROW LINER:ETHYLHEXYL STEARATE; COPERNICIA CERIFERA (CARNAUBA) WAX; HYDROGENATED PALM KERNEL GLYCERIDES; ALOE BARBADENSIS FLOWER EXTRACT; TOCOPHEROL; RETINYL PALMITATE; HYDROGENATED PALM GLYCERIDES; SILICA; METHYLPARABEN; ETHYLPARABEN; PROPYLPARABEN; MICA; TITANIUM DIOXIDE (CI 77891); IRON OXIDES (CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499)

LIPSTICK:RICINUS COMMUNIS (CASTOR) SEED OIL; DIISOSTEARYL MALATE; TRIOCTYLDODECYL CITRATE; LANOLIN OIL; CAPRYLIC/CAPRIC TRIGLYCERIDE; EUPHORBIA CERIFERA (CANDELILLA) WAX; OCTYLDODECANOL; OZOKERITE; SILICA; POLYDECENE; BIS-DIGLYCERYL POLYACYLADIPATE-2; POLYETHYLENE; MICROCRYSTALLINE WAX (CERA MICROCRISTALLINA); TRITICUM VULGARE (WHEAT) GERM EXTRACT; GLYCINE SOJA (SOYBEAN) SEED EXTRACT; HORDEUM VULGARE EXTRACT; ASTROCARYUM MURUMURU BUTTER; TOCOPHERYL ACETATE; SQUALANE; CHOLESTEROL; CERAMIDE 3; ALUMINA; LINOLEIC ACID; VANILLIN; MICA; TITANIUM DIOXIDE (CI 77891); IRON OXIDES (CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499); CARMINE (CI 75470); BLUE 1 LAKE (CI 42090); RED 6 (CI 15850); RED 7 LAKE (CI 15850); RED 28 (CI 45410); RED 30 (CI 73360); RED 33 LAKE (CI 17200); YELLOW 5 LAKE (CI 19140); YELLOW 6 LAKE (CI 15985); YELLOW 10 LAKE (CI 47005)

LIP LINER:CAPRYLIC/CAPRIC GLYCERIDES; CAPRYLIC/CAPRIC TRIGLYCERIDE; TALC; RHUS SUCCEDANEA (JAPAN) WAX; HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL; ASCORBYL PALMITATE; TOCOPHEROL; VEGETABLE OIL (OLUS); MICA; TITANIUM DIOXIDE (CI 77891); IRON OXIDES (CI 77491, CI 77492, CI 77499); RED 7 LAKE (CI 15850); RED 6 (CI 15850); YELLOW 6 LAKE (CI 15985); BLUE 1 LAKE (CI 42090); YELLOW 5 LAKE (CI 19140); MANGANESE VIOLET (CI 77742); RED 27 (CI 45410)

EYELASH GLUE: WATER, CELLULOSE GUM, SODIUM DODECYLBENZENESULFONATE, NATURAL RUBBER LATEX, PERFUM COMPOUND, FORMALIN SOLUTION, AMMONIUM HYDROXIDE

MASCARA:PURIFIED WATER; BEESWAX; ACACIA SENEGAL; TEA-STEARATE; CETYL ALCOHOL; KAOLIN; PVP/HEXADECENE COPOLYMER; ACRYLATES/OCTYL ACRYLATE COPOLYMER; SORBITOL; HYDROXYETHYLCELLULOSE; COPERNICIA CERIFERA (CARNAUBA) WAX; HYDROGENATED POLYISOBUTENE; PANTHENOL; DISODIUM EDTA; FRAGRANCE; HYDROLYZED SOY PROTEIN; TOCOPHEROL; LAURETH-20; PHENOXYETHANOL; METHYLPARABEN; PROPYLPARABEN; BUTYLPARABEN; PHENETHYL ALCOHOL.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON HOW YOU CAN BE BEAUTIFUL LIKE CHRISTINA GO TO: http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com

→ 2 CommentsTags: christina aguilera · frankentitty · hot mess · plastic

Eva Herzigova Lookin’ Like Bathtub Barbie

September 3rd, 2008 · 1 Comment

When I saw these red carpet pictures of supermodel Eva Herzigova I immediately thought of Barbie dolls.  But not the pretty in-the-box Barbies, oh no.  She looks like those Barbies that you took in the bathtub with you.  The ones with their hair all matted and cut up by the safety scissors; lookin’ nasty half naked- in an outfit that came on another doll.  I always busted the legs off trying to make them scissor each other.  Poor ken…He always was left out in the car with the Barbie horse.

→ 1 CommentTags: Models: Not To Be Confused With Role Models · eva herzigova · plastic

Nahla Ariela Aubry

September 2nd, 2008 · 1 Comment

I know that, everyday, I confirm to you that I’m immature and perverted but just to make sure: doesn’t Nahla Ariela sound like “gnaw onna areola” to you?  Just saying!

Here’s Halle Berry’s lil’ mini-me, Nahla Ariela Aubry.  I wish she was gnawin’ on a areola in that picture!  I guess those precious cookies are reserved for the likes of Swordfish only.  Boo, ’cause Mommies are sexy.

→ 1 CommentTags: halle berry

I Cry When I Look At Porn Too, David Duchovny

September 2nd, 2008 · 1 Comment

CRYING WHILE MASTURBATING MEANS YOU’RE A GOOD MONOTHEIST

Apparently David Duchovny has checked himself into rehab for his addiction to porn.  Now, I contemplated just typing that sentence and leaving it, but you know me and porn—I can’t just leave it alone.  I just keep talking about the topic of porn, over and over.  “Hey look at this porn.”  “Wouldn’t that make a great porn?”  “I bet you’d like to see this porn, here’s a link.”  “Porn saved my marriage.”  “Porn is like cartoons for adults.” Porny, porn-porn…

God, I want to be famous so I can go onto Celebrity Rehab for my PORN addiction.

Me: “Hi everyone, my name is Seis y Nueve (pronounced like Stacy with a soft “t”) and I’m addicted to pornography.”

Group: “Hiiiiiiiiii Seeeeeisyyyyyy.”

Me: “I just want to apologize to everyone right off.  ‘Cause, regardless of how you look, I have already or will in the near-future, masturbate to your image.”

“No Mary Carey! No touchy! *smacks whore hand away* I only like the thoughts, not the touches.”

→ 1 CommentTags: david duchovny · mary carey · porn · porn stars

Rachel Maddow: Dresses Like A 1st Grader

September 2nd, 2008 · No Comments

I hope this rumor is untrue.  New York Post is reporting that my favorite, hot, brilliant, (very out) lesbian news anchor, Rachel Maddow, is facing pressure to get a “network makeover” for her new show.   Also known as: be femmy for “the suits” at MSNBC.  There is talk of a skirt; let’s hope she is behind a desk.

GAG ME WITH A POON’

The Media can’t leave well enough alone.  This isn’t about being attractive to men and women; she’s attractive.  This is about every fucking representation of lesbians in the media having to be a reproduction of a frat boy’s, girl-on-girl fantasy.  Get over it assholes, she’s just not that into you.

Rachel has a doctorate in political science (she was a Rhodes Scholar) and a background in HIV/AIDS activism and prison reform. She shakes a mean cocktail, drives a bright red pickup, hates Coldplay, loves arguing with conservatives, spends a lot of money on AMTRAK tickets, and dresses like a first-grader.

→ No CommentsTags: sexy gay women